I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
