It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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