thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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