I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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