I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
