he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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