he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
