I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
