Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
