i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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