Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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