Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Everything about him screamed your future.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I will be naked everywhere
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
