I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
