she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
