You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
