i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
