I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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