wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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