she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
