Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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