i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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