turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
