Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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