i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
