we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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