Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
