using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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