Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
