I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
