I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
