we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we're making bets on your personal life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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