Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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