When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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