Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
