i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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