My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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