Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
