"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
