Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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