Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
