In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
