Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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