i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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