i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
