you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
