my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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