I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
