I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
