i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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