I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
