ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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