A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
