why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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