Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
