Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
