I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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