he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
