my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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