On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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