did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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