im drinking this country out of the recession.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
