Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
