i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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