You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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