Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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