i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
