they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
