i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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