If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
