help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
