sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
