tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
