Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
