margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
