I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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