Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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