Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm really busy with my period
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