This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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