my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
