So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
