I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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