shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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