Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
